No Bad Writing!

Desperate to pad my ailing word count, I stared at the blinking cursor and typed a sentence. I re-read the newest eight words of my WIP (work in progress) and, like a scene from “Secret Window,” muttered, “No bad writing!” This frightened my daughter, who remembered how bad writing had affected Johnny Depp’s character.

How bad was it?

To set up the scene, a 14-year-old girl had just witnessed a flash of light on her neighbor’s property that could rival a nuclear explosion, yet no sound accompanied the flash. She has no idea what could have caused the blast, or if her neighbor, who is also her classmate and friend, has been harmed or killed. Not only is she concerned about her neighbor, but what if it happens again–where she is standing? I wanted to convey the sheer horror this girl felt, so I typed the following words:

“She screamed at the top of her lungs.”

Bad writing.

Why? Six reasons I can think of:

1. It’s cliché. “Screamed at the top of her lungs” has probably been written hundreds, if not thousands, of times. As writers, we must limit clichés to dialogue. We speak in clichés, so it’s okay to have our characters do so (sparingly), but the author must not use a clichéd phrase to describe a character’s action. That’s a no-no.

2. It’s telling. I, in effect, “told” you, the reader, how the character responded to the horrific scene she witnessed. She’s obviously afraid, so I need to show her fear through her actions–not just tell you she’s afraid. Telling belittles the reader’s ability to think. While there is a time for telling, doing so in the midst of a scene is lazy writing.

3. It’s unemotional. People begin novels for lots of reasons. Perhaps they read a review, saw a magazine ad for the book, heard from a friend it was a must-read, etc. But readers finish novels, or any piece of writing for that matter, because they care what happens to the characters. As a writer, it is my job to make you lose sleep, be late for work, skip breakfast, forget to pick up the kids–because you’re so involved with the story you just can’t help it. Great characterization (combined with a clever lawyer) could possibly even stand up in court. “I’m sorry, Your Honor, but I was reading this book and he interrupted me. I had to kill him.” Justifiable homicide. But a sentence like “She screamed at the top of her lungs” won’t acquit anyone except, perhaps, a reader who shoots the writer.

4. It’s boring. See numbers 1 through 3. Clichés are predictable. Telling is, well, boring. Unemotional writing keeps the reader detached from the story and will likely detach them from the book. And any future books the writer manages to get published.

5. It’s not even physically possible. I was a Music Ed major. Surprised? Most people would think I studied English or Journalism, or some such writing-related subject. Nope. I majored in Music. And all those countless hours spent in the choir rehearsal hall went to waste when I typed that sentence. Our choir director taught us to fill our lungs from the bottom. Try to breathe deeply from your throat, not your belly. It’s hard. Watch a baby breathe. They know how to breathe from the depths of their gut. Here’s an old choir exercise to see if you’re breathing properly: lie on your back and put a book on your stomach. Breathe in and out. If the book doesn’t go up and down, you aren’t breathing properly. When you exhale slowly (put the book down and stand up first), your diaphragm pushes all the air out of your lungs, from the bottom to the top. By the time your exhale reaches the top of your lungs, you’re nearly out of air. It’s impossible to thrust out an effective scream from the top of one’s lungs.

6. It’s not nice. I mean, why is she screaming at her lungs? What did they do? The blinding flash is what frightened her–the top of her lungs did nothing!

Here’s a challenge for those interested. How would YOU re-write that sentence? How would you SHOW that character’s response? Let the reader FEEL her fear. Make it EXCITING enough to let the reader forget about the world outside the book he’s reading.

Until next time,
Happy Writing!

(The posts in this series are tagged Creating Compelling Content.)