Cut Clichés

One way to perk up our prose is to incorporate various stylistic devices. Another way is to revise or even cut words or phrases that can better be said in another way. Clichés are one such thing we can revise.

Remember, our purpose as novelists is to give our readers an emotional experience. Since clichés are, well … clichés, little or no emotion is invoked when the reader reads them. In order to get a grasp of how to best rewrite cliched phrases, we must first consider what emotion we want to describe.

If our characters are “shaking in their boots” or “scared out of their wits,” they are obviously afraid. How else can we describe fear?

One of the best examples I’ve read comes from the late Douglas Adams:

“He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it.”

This quote gives the reader a visual image and helps us “feel” Arthur Dent creeping up the corridor. It conveys the emotions of fear and dread.

It takes effort to come up with descriptions that aren’t tired and overused. For instance, a critiquer told me I needed a punchier opening sentence (don’t we all?). One that would immediately introduce the reader to the lead character, the tone or genre of the novel, show some emotion, and intrigue the reader enough to continue. So, how could I convert my lame opening into one sentence that could fill the order?

First, I called for backup. My son has an imagination that never ends. He immediately agreed that my first sentence needed scrapped and asked me that magic question, “What emotion is it that your character is feeling?” I knew the answer. Dread. She would rather do anything than what she was about to do. When I told him that, he asked, “What do women dread?” I mentally listed things I dread the most, bypassed things such as mammograms (my son was 17 at the time and I didn’t want to get into all of that with him), and stopped when I reached plucking eyebrows. I’d rather wear glasses than pluck my unibrow in order to look decent in contact lenses.

Since he’d never experienced eyebrow plucking, he ventured into the bathroom and returned with some tweezers. Ouch. He agreed this task merited the feeling of dread. Since my novel is Chick Lit, we decided we needed an “over-the-top” description of eyebrow plucking. My son played with the tweezers for a few minutes and realized they worked in a similar manner as chopsticks. Viola! We had the opening:

“Plucking my eyebrows with chopsticks would be a welcome alternative to the task on my agenda this evening.” The sentence shows the character’s dread. Introduces the character’s sassy manner, setting the tone for the novel. Plus, hopefully, the reader will be intrigued and begin wondering, “What’s on her agenda?”

Yes, plopping in a cliché is much easier than spending the 20-minute brainstorming process my son and I did to develop that line. Every sentence in your novel might not need that much attention, but considering the job of the opening sentence, I felt it was time well spent. And those with whom I’ve shared that sentence felt it was a great opening line for the novel. Woo-hoo!

Although I haven’t personally used any, there are some programs available that seek out cliché from your writing. “Cliché Finder” and “Cliché Cleaner” are two that I am aware of. If you’ve used either of these programs, please share your thoughts about them.

Today’s Exercise:

Tell what emotion the following clichés are attempting to describe. Rewrite at least one of the clichés. Please share your answers.

1. She drew a blank.
2. The committee was at loose ends.
3. Don’t get all bent out of shape!
4. She loves him, but he doesn’t give a plug nickel about her.
5. That was too close for comfort!

Until next time,
Happy Writing!

(The posts in this series are tagged Creating Compelling Content.)